From Notebook Venting to Paper Praise
I have always been one to journal all my thoughts, and events down in a notebook. However, it has been awhile, so last week I purchased a new notebook, all fancy and pretty to put those thoughts down. But as I grabbed my pen and was getting ready to write, I could not do it. The problem was, over the last couple of weeks, the Lord had been working on my heart and I was changing. I was no longer the same person I was from the last time that I journaled. In the past, I would "vent" to the Lord my frustrations, pain, hurt, anger, and yes, my happiness as well.
Some of you, as I previously did, may not think there is anything wrong with doing this but let me tell you what the Lord has shown me. When I sit in the quite of my home, and notebook vent in the name of the Lord, "it's very easy to get trapped in a rut of depression, to keep looking inward, examining feelings and emotions, and [allow] these to determine [my] spiritual [and emotional] state" (McGrath, p. 81). When I read this passage I was extremely convicted. It is absolutely true. When I sit and start to write down what has happened that hurt me or angered me, it can spiral out of control. I can start to innocently cry out to my God for His divine intervention in my life and situation, and before I know it, I can walk away from that quiet place, more angry and bitter than when I first sat down. Why? Because it was not a divine encounter with my God, it was nothing more than a venting session on a pad of paper.
Now those of you who are my fellow professional therapists out there, please do not misunderstand me, there is a place for proper journaling of emotion that leads to healing in a therapeutic setting. However, there is a need for many to stop venting and start praising. There is a need for us to "turn outward, away from our feelings, and contemplate instead the promises of a trustworthy God" (McGrath, p. 81) (as well as sometimes turn to others who can help put our anxieties into proper perspective).
According to McGrath, C.S. Lewis in the Screwtape letters wrote, "The certainty and security of God can easily be displaced by near total doubt, simply by fixing our attention on our mental state, rather than on God himself". It is so easy for me to get caught up doing this very thing. I focus on how I am feeling about a situation, how the situation is affecting ME, how the situation makes ME feel, how uncomfortable or hurt I am, or painful it is, rather than on my Creator, who He is, and how He can help me through it.
The Psalms are full of examples of David's battle of the mind and emotion. He struggled with serious depression and anxiety, yet he knew the brevity of allowing the mind and his emotions to be his foundation for truth. He knew that in the end, he ALWAYS had to turn back to the truth of who God is, what God has done in His life, others' lives, the promises God has fulfilled, and God's never changing character.
"My tears have been my food day and night... Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? (honest feelings) Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God. I am deeply depressed (it didn't go away); therefore, I remember You [God] from the land of Jordan...Deep calls to deep in the roar of Your waterfalls; all Your breakers and Your billows have swept over me. The Lord will send His faithful love be day; His song will be with me in the night -- a prayer to the God of my life (Praising God; reminding himself of the truths of God). I will say to God, my rock, 'Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about in sorrow because of the enemy's oppression?' ...Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? (more honest confession of feeling) Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God (turning back to truth and praise)" (Psalm 42: 3a, 5-6a, 7-9, 11).
So, how do I apply this to my journaling now? Just like David. So, I can be honest with God about what is going on in my life, "God, I am so tired! I am tired of homeschooling the kids, working an almost full-time job, being a military wife, moving, living in a foreign land, feeling alone so often... YET... I will praise you! Thank you for "never leaving or forsaking me" (Hebrews 13:5). Thank you that you love me despite all my mistakes and how absolutely unworthy I am (Romans 5:8). Thank you for my children that you have blessed me with, even though they may drive me crazy from time to time (James 1:17). Thank you that you never intended and do not expect me to face life and my difficulties alone (Matthew 11:30).
I want to encourage you to stop the notebook venting and turn it in to paper praise. Praise the Almighty for who He is, and you might just find that you will walk away feeling much better than you did when you first put your pen to the pad.
